


Nicknames

by nightsisterkaris



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 17:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20510735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightsisterkaris/pseuds/nightsisterkaris
Summary: The worst drabble I have ever written. Complete crackfic.





	Nicknames

"Don't you dare."

"Watch Me."

"I might actually have to kill you for this, Coulson."

"Uno." Phil set down his second to last card, a green seven, on the waiting deck.

"You can't kill him, May." Daisy grinned, "You know the agreement. May wins, Coulson bakes cookies for May for a year. AC wins, he gets to call May _whatever_ he wants for 24 hours with no following revenge." Daisy holds the document she had typed up, and had them both sign.

The team grinned excitedly, and May growled, knowing her defeat. She placed a _red seven_ down on the pile. Phil's smile grew, and he dropped his remaining card, a _draw two_, on top for all to see.

May let out a small curse, and Phil understood the Mandarin insult. "Watch your language, _dear._" He smiled.

"It has begun." Hunter clapped his hands. "This is gonna be _great_." He sang.

"You're stupid, man." Mack stood, clapping Coulson on the back, "I'll go start the first draft of your obituary."

"I don't know..." Phil smiled, and leaned toward May, "would my Puddin' Pop like lunch?" Phil asked. The glare that May gave him was rather terrifying. "Erm. . . or, what would everyone else like?"

"Pizza. A lot of Pizza." Daisy said.

"We can't deliver to a secret base." May objected.

"Listen to _Sugar,_ right here. She's right." Phil said.

"Wow, you're really going to take every possible opportunity to call her something embarrassing, aren't you?" Jemma raised an eyebrow, fighting an amused smile.

"Well, I'm getting Pizza, even if I have to drive an hour to get it. I'm craving cheese. Lots of cheese." Daisy said. "Anyone else need anything?"

"Beer." Hunter said without wait.

"No." The team collectively exclaimed.

"Fine." Hunter groans.

-:x:-  
  


May thinks the best way to not be embarrassed is to avoid Phil. She's mixed up her schedule, hoping to throw Phil off so that he can't humiliate her in front of any other agents. Instead of working out at 5:00, she'll work out at 9:00. Instead of doing paperwork from 3:00pm to 4:00pm, she already got it done.

Now Daisy has returned with twelve pizzas, four chicken wing baskets, and nine liters of assorted sodas. But May's not worried. She'll just eat one of her energy bars. Except there _are_ no more energy bars.

So May decides to go stealth.

Throwing a blanket over her head, she pulls the classic halloween ghost (minus the eye holes), and she opens the door. Creeping down the hall, she keeps her steps quiet and her identity unknown.

Eventually she gets to a populated hallway, and she begins recognizing agents by their footstep pattern and their shoes. She makes her way, following the feet in front of her. Daisy's.

Finally making it to the common room, she turns to the wall, and lifts the blanket. Daisy is grinning, ushering agents to make a pathway so May didn't bump into anyone. The inhuman walked, waving her arms in reference to part the waters, and agents obeyed, silently shifting aside to let Daisy and the blanket ghost pass.

Frowning, May folds her arms, letting the garment once again cover her face, hiding her. She makes her way in, raiding the side salads and two pieces of pizza. Turning, The blanket Ghost hears Phil.

"Acushla, why don't you join us?"

Jemma gasps, "awwwww!"

"Wut." Daisy suddenly asks, and May freezes, her escape compromised. Of course Phil knew it was her.

"It means _'heartbeat'_." Fitz stutters. "It's a gaelic term that means _'my pulse'_, and is a name that is taken as a term of endearment, like the reason his heart beats, he lives for her." Fitz shrugged, quietly explaining. "My mom used to call me that."

May just smiles, and leaves.

-:x:-  
  
  


It's T-minus 14 hours, thirty four minutes of this unbearable day when it happens again.

"Lindy, I have a list of new agents that I need you to sort through, interview if need be." Phil's found her, hiding out in his office.

May just squints her eyes at him.

"I have cookies." Phil says, pulling a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from behind him.

"For me or the interviewing? You know I don't do talking." She warns, slowly taking a cookie.

"Nah, you can analyze someone with just a look. I trust you," Phil smiles, "_Baby_."

"Shut the f-"

He leaves, laughing.

-:x:-

She endures another twenty nicknames until the final blow came around 9:00 o'clock that night. Melinda is sitting in her bunk when suddenly through the base's master intercom, and Phil calls, "Mellie-poo, report to the office, the director wants to speak with you. I repeat, Mellie-poo, report to the office, the director wants to speak with you."

Melinda just looks up at the dreaded speaker and yells, "FRICK YOU."

"Well _that_ wasn't very nice, Mrs. Cuddly-wuddly." Is replied a couple seconds later.

"I hate you, Coulson!" May grumpily stood, trudging down the halls, and she sees Daisy standing with concern written all over her face. May pauses, about to tell the girl something when Daisy stops her, "he isn't using romantic names for nothing. He could be using much worse." And then Daisy just awkwardly nods and turns, striding away.  
  
"What did you want?" Melinda steps into the office with a sigh, pushing the door closed with a sigh.

"Hate me yet?" Phil asks.

"Very much so."

"I'm sorry about that, sweetie."

"Why the romantic names,Phil? Why?" Melinda blurted out, "why were you so insistent on this as your winners privilege when we played uno?"

Phil blinked. "I, uh, well, it's amusing?"

"Real answer, now."  
  
"I've wanted to use them do a long time, Melinda." Phil shrugged.

"You called me _Melinda_ that time." May folded her arms.

Phil looked at her with those big puppy eyes, and May raised an eyebrow. "Got any other names up your sleeve?" She asked. Phil nodded.

"_Mrs. Coulson."_

"Yeah sure, wait... _WHAT._" Melinda's eyes bugged out. "You-"

"Yeah."

"We aren't even dating..." May breathed.

Phil shrugged again. "Just we better start then, huh, Mellie-poo."

"I am not lying when I say I will strangle you if you ever call me that again."


End file.
